Dissertation Defense: Pass! 博士論文口頭試験 合格！

I passed my dissertation defense in PhD Economics last week!  My husband and son celebrated my achievement with a cake and Champagne on the same day.  It was a long, and sometimes rough, journey to come to this day.  I still have to make some minor revisions, but the major parts are all done!  A big relief! (Yes, this is THE big project I have been referring as a big project in this blog.)In the picture above, I took off my hat while defending it.  I tried to look moderately stylish, but hopefully looked smart to defend a serious paper.  How do you rate?I was ready and anxious to get over with.  I did not get nervous at all though.  After going through my cancer battle, that was tough and made me very nervous.  I experienced physical pain, and physiological pain such as panic attacks and depression.  This dissertation defense, I felt it was mush under my control.  I knew what I did in my paper.My husband told me he would come home with a Champagne to celebrate it.  I told my son about the news and he told me we should celebrate it with a cake.  That was a sweet idea!  So, I told my husband to pick up a cake as well so that all three can have it.When I was diagnosed with cancer in June 2014, I had an idea of giving up my PhD.  It was 90% done, but my mind set came to the point of thinking: "why do I bother?  I have cancer.  A life is too short to stick to the idea of completing dissertation.  My friends are making advance in career, while I have been a student all my life..., now I have cancer.  I am stuck with my dissertation.  Why do I bother to complete it?"  Cancer overwhelmingly occupied my mind.I learned great patience while treating my cancer.  Schedule wise, nothing went as I wished.  "A next appointment" could be scheduled in 2 weeks, while I wanted to have it right away.  Meanwhile, what about my cancer, does it get worse?  Well, the earliest appointment can be scheduled in 2 weeks.  At a doctor's office, I waited for a long time (at some of the offices).  Chemotherapy and its recovery process took long time and my energy was low.  Each chemotherapy took my day for the treatment.  I left home at 6:30 AM and came home around 4 to 5 PM.  I spent 5 months in bed, except when I went out for teaching -twice a week-.  I was fortunate to have great family and friends, I did not have to do any of house chores because of them.  I focused on my treatments.   I personally could not do much, but a life of my family with a child went OK.  (Thank you, my family and friends, again.)Especially since my last IV injection treatment this summer 2015, I finally felt I was ready to go back to my big "undone" project: dissertation.  I relied on my family and friends once again.  Our home looked messy, but nobody was dying, let it be.  Things at home would be OK, just like while I was chemo treatments.  I learned now patience to do a big project.  I did not really have "weekends," "holidays" and "socializing" for awhile, my mind was on dissertation 24/7.  Finally, I defended!I will have a great holiday season this time!  A happy holiday season, everyone!経済学の博士課程　口頭試験合格！ハズバンドと息子が、当日の夜　ケーキとシャンパンでお祝いしてくれた。ここまで来るのに、すごく長くかかった。まだ　少し手直しをしないといけないけれど、大まかな流れは変えないので、ほとんど終了！いゃったー！口頭試験の外見。それなりに私らしいスタイル、でも　真面目な論文をするのに　賢そうな格好と思ってスタイリングした格好で。どうかしら？帽子とスカーフは、外にいたときだけ。中では取ってました(女性は室内で帽子を取らなくていいんだけれど）。口頭試験まで、日にちが近づくにつれて、そわそわ落ち着かなかったけれども、準備はばっちりのはず。「緊張するんねぇ」とハズバンドに言われたけれど、全くドキドキとする緊張感はなし、ちょっと落ち着かないだけ。やっぱり、癌との戦いは大変だし、よっぽどそっちの方が生命の危険を感じて緊張した。身体的な痛みもあったし、ウツやパニック障害などの精神的な苦痛も経験した。今は、ちょっとやそこらでは動揺しない。自分の書いた論文、どこに何が書いてあるかは分かっている。癌を経験して、辛抱強くなったと思う。スケジュールは自分の思うようには進まない。「次のお医者さんの予約は、そうねぇ、2週間後しか空いていません。」と、今すぐ見てもらいたいのに　病院からのお返事はのんびり。お医者さんに行けば行ったで、待ち時間が2時間。ひどいときは4時間。抗がん剤治療は4時間、お手洗い以外座っている。朝6時半に家を出て、帰ってくるのが夕方4時5時の時もあった。家に居れば、ベッドの中で、気力なし。とことん何もしないで横になっている。幸せなことに、やさしい家族と友達に恵まれて、自分で家事が出来なくても、なんとか、子供のいる家庭生活も成り立っていった。（とても感謝している。）2015年夏、最後の点滴治療を終えて、一区切りがついた。残りの人生で、生きているうちにやるべき事を終わらせなくては：第一弾は、博士論文。再び、家族と友達に迷惑をかけながらの論文生活。家の中はぐちゃぐちゃ、ご飯の準備も手抜き。将来の計画をする時間すらない。でも、そんなことで誰も死ぬことはないから、もうそのままで突き進む。家族や友達とのお約束も、全部「終わったらね」と後回し。週末・休日・運動する時間　全部なくして　論文論文。辛抱強さは学んだので、じっとこらえてやり抜く。やった、そして　やっと先週　口頭試験(defense)をパス！寝不足だった日々を取り戻すかのごとく　とにかく寝る。そして、クリスマス準備を全くしてこなかったので、短時間でクリスマス準備もしなくちゃ！です。素敵なクリスマスを　皆さん！癌もなし、博士論文もなし　な年末年始になりそう。にしし。やった～！！！